Late Night Ramblings

I have no business being up this late. None whatsoever. But it is the last night of the week before the master comes home, and this is the hardest night to get to sleep because I miss him. Mom and Dad came in for Levi's birthday weekend, and so I've got Mom's phone to do a little unwinding. I'm so hungry for media by Saturday night, that after the first hour of the master's homecoming, I find myself reaching for his phone, and that only makes me feel like a beast. He teases me about only wanting him home for Facebook, and we both laugh, but on some level, it probably does bother him Thus, I blog tonight, and then put this dark addiction aside, and focus on my family. And what a family filled weekend it will be.
Tomorrow we have four soccer games. Argh...but we are three Saturdays away from the end of the season, so there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We love soccer, but NEVER would I have signed up four kids had I known that I would be living life as a single mom.
Sunday, John will take the kids to church. More often than not, I do not attend church these days. WHOLE 'nuther post. Possibly a series.. Church is a hurtful place. Even though these people are not the same people who hurt us(and they really have helped us tremendously), I dread being hurt again.
After church is Levi's second birthday party, with many, many family and friends, all eating bar-b-q and having a rip- roaring (it is Cowboy themed) good time. Hard to believe my little
man is two. He is going to be so stinkin' cute in his cowboy duds, I may just have to hurt myself. Oh, but he is bad. We probably should have made the party outlaw themed. T'would be more appropriate.
Based on the number of parenthesis I've used already in this post, I should call it a night. The ghost of my 11th grade English teacher will haunt my dreams for sure. I'm off to pump some milk for the preemie babies of East Texas. I'm a donor mom with 104 ounces to my credit! I feel like I'm paying it forward for all the donor breast milk Cara consumed in her first year, AND the sent me a nifty "Breadtmilk: Every Ounce Counts" bumper sticker for my van (the better to torture my junior high kids with).
Sorry, Mrs. Simmons, I couldn't resist one more set.

Almost a Year

I can't believe I have gone almost a year without blogging. The longest I've ever gone without journaling of some kind since my first diary at age eight. This has also been the most emotionally difficult year of my life. I truly believe they are connected. Not that this year would have been all sunshine and roses, but I think I would have processed everything better, had I kept up with my writing.
We've gone this entire year without a home Internet connection, and thus my posting--with only John's smartphone--was not exactly practical. But we will be moving soon, and I am determined to get and keep a connection in our new home. I need the outlet.

Update

He passed!! We are much relieved, and thankful for all of your prayers. We will not get the official paper from the state for another two to three weeks, and so we still wait for the pay increase, but the light is glowing strongly at the end of the tunnel. I went to my first really real doctor's appointment yesterday. Baby's heartbeat is strong, growing right at the expected rate, and after a long string of health related questions, the doctor pronounced that this should be a boring pregnancy. A little boring in my life will be a welcome change. He is going to have a good time with my being a preacher's wife, though, I can tell. He told at least three church/religious jokes during my thirty minute appointment, but at least they were funny. Actually don't know how much longer I will be a preacher's wife. I think it very likely that the master will resign his pulpit soon. The church never fully recovered from the split two year's ago, and he feels unable to move them past that or to ignite in them a vision for moving forward. He's been talking about resigning since January. I've been ardently arguing that he stay, but from now on, I think I will keep my mouth shut, so as not to interfere with what the Lord may be telling him. I don't want to find a new church. I love my church. And our house (which will be payed for next month) sits right across the road from our church. I would like to think that there would not be hard feelings among them, but I've never known that to be the case.

Praying to Pass

Posting from an actual computer, not an IPhone.  My, but this is nice.  I'm up at the master's hearing office, where he is presently using the children as lab rats for one more cram session before Wednesday's state board exam in Austin.  This is the test that he failed one portion of in January.  The one that HE MUST PASS for his salary to go up--to double to be exact.  We NEED his salary to double.   But I thought we needed it in January and the Lord had other ideas.
I'm doing well.  I thought pregnancy would be more difficult this time around ('cause I ain't as young as I used to be), but so far, so good.  Maybe I won't feel the difference until the later stages.  I was so horribly sick with K (and I was only nineteen then!) for the first six months, that any discomfort seems mild by comparison.  I'm not sleeping well at night due to vivid pregnancy dreams--but I've had these with every baby.  And even with making an afternoon nap a priority, by this time of night, I long to creep beneath the covers.  Next week, I see the obgyn for my first really real (in that an MD will finally examine me) doctor's appointment.
I have been spoiled by two incredibly easy, incredibly fast adoptions, for sure.  This whole process seems as though it will take FOREVER.  And why that should bother me, I don't know.  I'm not ready for a baby right now, anyway.  I should say, another baby, because, of course, Levi is still very much a baby. Levi and the new baby will be as close as Marina and Ian in age (19 months), but we didn't bring Marina home until she was 13 months old, so we never experienced two babies in the house.  I'm not sure we can swing two hinnies in diapies--which brings me back to praying that the master passes that test.

Opinion Poll

Someone asked on Facebook what the kids thought about the new baby. Overall, the baby is awfully removed from the here and now. These are kids who are used to being told a day or two in advance of a new sibling's arrival. Seven months is an eternity away. A lady at church asked K what he thought, and he just shrugged and played it cool. "What is one more?" was his response. But at home, he has said that it WILL be a girl, and insists that everyone refer to the baby in the feminine form. He is quite anxious to hold the pattern, and is more than a little concerned over twins--which would push us over to an odd number. Abby is a mixed bag about this baby. She was ecstatic when we told her we were getting a new baby, wanting to know if she could please have it, since her baby (Cara) doesn't really need her anymore. But she was totally turned off when she realized I was actually carrying this sibling. Seems last fall's "Where Baby's Come From" conversation has her grossed out. Mom and Dad are STILL doing that??!! She will not use the term 'pregnant' and cringes when I do. But we passed a rack of cute baby dresses Saturday and she exclaimed, "Oh I hope our new baby is a girl." Me: I'm kinda hoping that myself. Abby: But, Mom? If it's not, let's not tell him he was a disappointment, ok? Me:Deal. That kid cracks me up. Ian and Marina haven't said much on the subject. We gave Levi to Marina, and she is still in the throws of his responsibility. I don't look for her to be hankering for another any time soon. Randy is well pleased. He is already coming up to pat my belly and give the baby kisses, but he is very confused, poor kid. Being the last baby to join the family by birth, he had no idea that babies came any other way than through adoption. Now the kid KNOWS adoption talk. He still has me chuckling over last week's question, "Do you know who the birthdaddy is?" Cara doesn't understand birth or adoption. For all she knows, the stork brings them, so I will be getting out and dusting off some of our "new baby" children's books. The problem is that all of them make some reference to the "fact" that they were once a baby in their mommy's womb. Which Cara wasn't, and I think through this pregnancy Cara will realize that. With Marina, it seemed like we talked adoption non-stop. With Cara we haven't talked it at all. When Levi arrived, she wasn't curious about where he came from, just happy to have someone smaller than her in the house to boss. But this time around, she will have more understanding, and will want to know, "Was I in your belly?" So this will be interesting.

Levi Turns One

One year ago today, we drove like mad to Houston to meet our new son. One year ago, I suited up in a NICU and walked around a hospital corner to see him for the first time--not tiny and weak as Cara had been--but rosy round and giving the nurses whatfor. I kept having to pinch myself, because the whole ordeal had a dreamlike quality about it. I remember thinking, "This doesn't happen in real life."
We had a pretty simple celebration. Just family over after church for lunch and cake. I made a Cookie Monster cake and a smash cake for Levi, which he thoroughly enjoyed. His expression seemed to say, "Now, THIS is what I have been waitin' for my whole life!" I love my little man.
We did not hear from his birthmother. I hoped today above all days that she would call.

And Baby Makes 10

Facebook followers heard the news on Monday. I'm pregnant. Highly unlikely, insane, but true. Speaking of insane, my hormone surge that was a result of this pregnancy, felt very much as if I was headed straight for the closest mental health facility. My emotions were so out of control two weeks ago, that I bought a home pregnancy test, desperate to get my period started so the worst case of PMS "crazies" EVER would go away. In my mind, if I took the test, then my brain would go ahead and let me start. I was about to throw my "negative" test in the trash and begin my little body pep talk, "You see, there is absolutely no reason for you to feel this way...," when I saw an unmistakable + appear in the test window.
VERY long story short, I am pregnant. Sonogram (not this past Monday, but the Monday before, showed a "yolk sac" (which terminology makes me feel very much like a chicken) in the uterus, not in the tubes (there is a far greater risk of ectopic pregnancy in women with prior tubal ligations).
I am still rather stunned, and it all has a somewhat surreal quality about it--telling, typing, thinking about it. Announcing to the world hasn't changed that. Last year at this time, I felt a very strong urge for another child, and when God gave us Levi (also unexpectedly), I just knew the Lord gave me that desire to ready my heart for the gift. Now, He is giving my nine months to get ready for this gift.
I don't yet feel pregnant. Or maybe it has been so long that I've forgotten what it feels like? Randy will be six in two weeks. I still look down at every trip to the bathroom, and expect to see that I've started. I pretty much feel as I do the day before my period every month: a trifle dizzy, a little tender, and bloated. Well, maybe the last symptom IS over the top, because my abdomen is rock hard, sticking out, and I can't suck it in for anything! If I didn't have a perfectly good explanation, I would be rushing off to the doctor.
People have asked me if I'm happy. I'm not happy. I'm not sad. I'm mostly just relieved to know I'm not going nuts. Otherwise, I'm numb. It is not that I was opposed to more children. I had a feeling that at some point, I would want to even thing up. But I just never expected to do it in this way. I know by the time the baby arrives, no, by the time I feel her stir within me, I will love her and be ecstatic. It is just going to take some getting used to

Simple Woman's Day Book

Outside My Window...An especially mild winter rolls on.  For the last two years, we have had snow in February.  Don't think that is going to happen this winter.   

I am thinking...about something I can't blog about...

I am thankful for...the visit with Danee this week.  Whatever happens, we had one more opportunity to set Levi in her lap, take lots of pictures, and stow away a few more memories of her.

I am wearing... Oh, my, you would know that I pulled out the scrub pants for the first time since turning in my daycare keys today, and now I am being caught by the blog in my slovenliness.  Laundry day is tomorrow, and then I shall have some blue jeans to wear. 

I am remembering...what life was like when I ran the daycare.  Not because I am wearing my old uniform, but because I reconciled the daycare books today for taxes.  Filling in those records took me back to the days of shopping, planning, payroll, and purchases of a 50+ center.  Small wonder I was stressed out!  I actually shuddered several times as I made my way down the pages.

I am going...to be spending some quality time in various doctors' offices this week.  Levi and K both have appointments on Wednesday.  Thursday we go to Dallas for the master's hip consult (He is looking at having his hip and knee replaced.  He's going to end up like the bionic man.)   After the appointment, we'd like to go by Texas Children's and get a feel for the office there.  The trips to Houston are really beginning to wear on us.

I am currently reading...The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura Sleshinger

I am hoping...that we like the Dallas office.

On my mind...the whole ordeal with the master's state exam.

Noticing that...I lose weight first and foremost in my breast.  The one place I DO NOT need to lose weight!

Pondering these words... "The Old Testament was a testament of prosperity; the New Testament is a testament of adversity." --Charles Spurgeon

From the kitchen...venison tacos have done been cleaned up.

Around the house...Children are finishing up their Bible reading with Dad.  The story of Jacob and his many wives--Abby and K are beet red and asking the master if the can PLEEEEAASE skip this chapter?!!  There is quite a bit in Genesis that is a little awkward for family alter time, ya know.

From my picture journal: Going to have to pass on that. *sigh*

Oh, The Places You'll Go

Does anyone know how to get pictures from facebook up on your blog?  I feel bereft without photos of my family making periodic appearances here.
Things are at an odd place.  Odd for many reasons.  Unsettling.  I'm considering opening up a private blog to unload some of those.  But then I wonder if I should "unload?"  Is that just a handy veneer for "complain?"  A thing I'm commanded not to do?  Anyway, opening up my blog and seeing my beautiful children's faces always was grounding, fortifying for me.  Seeing as financial relief is nowhere in sight, we will not be purchasing a new home computer in the foreseeable future, so I will be on this laptop.  I'm getting better at maneuvering on this thing, but still can't figure out the pictures.  There must be a way.
Back to the financial part.  The master did not pass his state board exams.  At least we are 90% sure he did not.  That means that his salary will not double at the end of this month as it would have had he passed.  From a purely human standpoint, we NEEDED his salary to double.  I don't see a way out of this place we are at, but I will keep looking.
We were called to Houston, Friday.  Levi's birthmother was very ill.  Actually, we feared she might die.  We had not had any contact from her since before Christmas.  Our cards were returned with the note, "No such person at this address," and our text went unanswered.  We feared, like so many open adoption placements, our contact with her had fizzled out.  On Wednesday morning early, Levi stood for the first time.  My first impulse was to grab the phone and text her.  But there was nowhere to send my text.  I got  the kids dressed and went out to do my shopping.  It was a cold, wet morning.  And she was weighing heavy on my heart.  Did she have shelter?  Was she fed?  She should know that he stood up today.  It is something I know she would want to know. Where was she?
I came home from the trip to find an email from our agency.  God was about to answer all of my questions.  She was in a hospital, well fed, but sick.  Of course, I wanted to come see her, but agency didn't know if she would be open to our seeing her that way.  When they mentioned our offer to visit she broke down crying, saying that she had been praying that God would send us to see her. She is better now.  Maybe out of the hospital.  We don't know.  She doesn't have a phone right now.  She was overjoyed to see Levi--that he was strong and healthy.  She picked my brain about him.  There was a man there in the room with her.  Her new "boyfriend."  (Pimp?) A Latino gangster.  Of course, he didn't introduce himself that way, but that's what he was.  Exactly like the one who tried to have her killed nine months ago, and the hired hit man who left her badly beaten instead of dead.  An attack which caused ongoing infections (that still might claim her life) and precipitated the birth of my son.  Why?  Why doesn't she get out?  Why doesn't she stop the cycle?  I want Levi to know her.  She is so sweet and optimistic; I can't help but wonder how she came to the place she is.  Doubtful that I will ever be close enough to her to ask.  Oh, Lord, I'm sick with worry for her.
On a lighter note: Never thought I'd be sitting in a hospital room with my husband, my son, his birthmother and a gang banger having a pleasant conversation as if it was the most normal thing in the world.  And I bet they never thought they'd be doing the same with a Baptist pastor and his wife.  Makes me smile to think of it.

Levi, Marina, and Jesus

I just got off the phone with the legal assistant in Houston. We will, most likely, finalize on Levi's adoption on February the 24th.  I'm excited to get that lose end tied up. But strangely, another adoption is weighing heavy on my mind and heart today.
 Marina's adoption into the Kingdom.  These days, Marina is the first person I see when I wake.  After many months of power struggle over her hair and the grooming thereof--which brought her perilously close to a second butch cut--she has submitted to my arrangement of her do's.  It crossed my mind that in three short months she will be eight years old.  Wow!  That shocks me.  How can she be that old?  This is the age I start to look for the signs.  The signs that God is knocking at their heart's door, the signs that they are listening, that they are beginning to see their need of a Savior.  Sometimes, they show themselves in their artwork--stick-figure drawings of Jesus on the cross or a love letter to God.  Sometimes, it is questions from the back seat about last week's Sunday School Lesson, or a face of rapt attention during service.  Signs that I haven't seen in Marina in the smallest degree.
And so, I pray.  'When you can't trace His hand, trust His heart,' right?  I pray that I will be ready to council her, maybe answer questions that she will never ask out loud. Perhaps ask some of my own.  She's been taught the Truth from infancy on, but she's characterized by stubbornly clinging to fantasies in total contradiction to what she had been told, and wouldn't Satan love to spread some lies in her heart and watch them take root?  From a child that never did anything by the book, I shouldn't look for the normal indicators.  In the words of the Russian caregiver on the day we took her from the orphanage, "That Olga....she goes her own way." Parenting her for seven years, I can Amen that statement.  She goes her own way, in her own time, with her own little way of walkin' it.
But, ultimately, for peace, love, joy and life, her way must become His way.

Test

I Can't Know About That

My friend posed a question this week on facebook asking how and when couples arrived at the decision to start building their family.  I had to laugh.  Her question suggests that there is a plan--that people discuss this and arrive at a decision or come to an agreement regarding when the time is "right" for their family.  And maybe for most people that is the case.  I can't know about that.  I do know that I get asked on a regular basis why I have seven children.  Some people have too much tact to voice their question, but I still see it in their expression--the rounding of the eyes, the slight drop of the jaw--"How on earth does anyone end up with that many kids?"  I can't blame them for wondering.  I look around the living room some times and think much the same thing.  It struck me today that at some point, my children may wonder the why's and wherefore's themselves.  Life in a large family is all they have ever known, but already they are catching quite a bit of incredulity when they announce to a new friend that they have six brothers and sisters.  The oldest ones are, by now, well aware that we are, "weird."
So, in case, being my friends, you have not wanted to offend me, but inwardly questioned our motives, beliefs...perhaps our sanity, read on.  If curiosity is not one of your failings, skip it.  It's going to be a long one.   And kids, if you are reading this when your daddy and I have gone to be with Jesus, if you wonder why you had to grow up wearing hand-me-downs and being the center of unwanted attention in any restaurant we frequented, here is your answer.  And after you are done, call one of your brothers or sisters and check in on them, o.k.?
First off, we do not believe contraception is a sin. I recognize that God is in control of everything that happens.  When I get in my vehicle and drive to Wallmart, I know that it is possible that the Lord has purposed that I die in a car wreck that very day.  He is Sovereign.  But I still put on my seatbelt.  We have used different methods of birth control throughout our marriage (some more successfully than others, ha, ha) and I've undergone sterilization. I have never felt conviction from the Holy Spirit that I was in sin regarding this.   I believe life--which is sacred--begins at fertilization, and there are certain forms of contraception that because of this belief, we would not be able to conscience the use of, but for the most part, we're good.   We do NOT think we are more holy than a couple with three children, two children, or no children.  We DO feel that some of the reasons people "choose" not to have children or limit their family size in our culture are selfish and greedy--and that is sin.  Then again, some of the reasons people HAVE children are equally self-centered.  But we are not in the business of judging people's hearts--God is.  Sooo...if we aren't opposed to birth control, and we aren't putting in for sainthood, what gives?
I grew up in a nuclear family, one mom, one dad, one marriage, three kids.  The master the same thing, only with four children.  Pretty rare, I know.  We both loved children and whether or not to have them wasn't a question, whether they would be genetically linked to us was.  Doctors told the master that due to an extremely high fever with measles as a small child, there was a very good possibility he was sterile.  I took this information in stride.  God laid adoption on my heart from my childhood on (for years I diligently campaigned for my parents to adopt a baby brother), so now that I met the man I would marry, this tugging toward adoption made perfect sense.  I told the master not to worry about it, we would adopt.  Having just returned from mission work in Latvia where they taught summer camps for orphans, the master was a 100% on board. Our plan: Get married, graduate college, let the master finish seminary,  get a few years start on our careers, then start a family either through birth or adoption. We were young, I was 19, the master was 25, we had plenty of time.
I couldn't know.
Finding out I was pregnant with K, was devastating.  For us, a baby was not a blessing, not even an accident, but a consequence. The months leading up to his birth was the worst time in my life.  Of course, I'd had a happy carefree life up until then, so the bad seemed so much worse.  God must be very angry with me, and I worried that He would punish me further.  Would my baby be sick?  Would he die?  Would I love him as a mother should?  I couldn't know that from the first moment that I laid eyes on him, God would give me a love for him stronger and truer than any I had ever known.  He is and--though I couldn't see it at the time--always been a blessing to me.
Our second child is the only one I can say was actually "planned."  Our plans for how are life was going to unfold were shot to heck anyway, and--having grown up with siblings close to us in age--we wanted the same for K.  We timed Abby to arrive the day after I walked (more like waddled) across the stage, and she arrived healthy and beautiful and right on schedule.  One boy, one girl: The American Dream.
Graduating in December, I thought I would take the next year and a half to be with the baby, do some substitute teaching here and there, and try for a full-time classroom when she was 18 months.  Once we got our feet under us financially, we would look at moving out to Fort Worth for that seminary degree.  I think we both wanted more children--after all, we hadn't adopted yet--but they were wanted in a shadowy much-further-down-the-road kind of way.   I couldn't know.  I couldn't know that we would be surprised--despite BC, despite breast feeding--with Ian at the exact same time I should have been starting to teach.
Well, we were three kids into this thing, we might as well go for broke.  And broke was the operative word.  It didn't make sense for me to teach with three children in childcare; my entire salary would go to daycare.  The master was pastoring a small country church and I was at home.  But I'm not too keen on odd numbers. Three is an odd number. We got the crazy idea into our heads that we would "finish up" our family by adding that long expected adoption.  We went to our first meeting thinking we would adopt from Guatemala (little brown boys just melt my heart and that was the cheapest, easiest International adoption at the time).  We left the orientation both burdened for Russia (much more difficult process with a 30,000 dollar price tag.  Did I mention we were broke?).  We told the kids to prepare for a three year old brother; boys were more available, and once out of infanthood, the children were much harder to place.  We couldn't know.  We couldn't know how God would provide. How He would make a way were there was NO way.  We couldn't know that a baby girl, blonde, blue-eyed Marina Joy, was meant to come into our family two long years later.
Maybe it was because we moved shortly after Marina came home, and we were all out of our normal routine.  Maybe it was because I was teaching full time and we were making more money than we ever had before.  Maybe it was because we could do it without getting a social worker's approval and a  Russian apostile on 15 different documents.  Maybe we were unconsciously rebelling against the dozens of family and friends who commented, "SURELY, ya'll are done now."  For whatever reason, without ever sitting down and "planning" another baby, we weren't as careful as we should have been.  One morning I woke up feeling pregnant.  I was.  When Randy arrived, I had my tubes tied.
There we were.  Five kids.  I was surprised to find that we were now considered a freak of nature for having SO MANY kids.  My family didn't seem crazy big.  In fact, some time after Randy turned a year old, it began to feel a little small.  I felt like someone was missing.  And, I was starting to see how important it would be for Marina to have someone in the family like her, someone who was adopted.  I thought about the rows and rows of full cribs in baby house #19. No one to hold them, no one to love them.  We would go over there again and get a sister for Marina.  I couldn't know.  I couldn't know that our agency would enforce a new policy barring large families (which I found out we were now considered) from adoption. I was deflated.  Maybe our family was finished after all.  And, drat, it would have to be an odd number
I couldn't know.
In my adoption surfing one night (I would scroll down the photolistings of children, waiting for a mommy and daddy, and I would pray for them), I came across a tiny domestic adoption agency in Houston.  I never considered domestic adoption before.  That was for couples who couldn't have children.  And didn't infertile couples wait for years to have a child placed in their arms?  But the director of the agency had adopted six children, and another worker had raised 15.  Maybe this was worth a try.
We fell in love with AIM the first time we stepped into their office.  Here, at last, were some like-minded people. We had our homestudy updated.  But around that same time, John's bone disease flared up, and he had to have his leg amputated.  We were in a financial bind (when have we not been?), with no available funds to complete an adoption, and to top it all off, we were staring down the barrel of a move.  In my heart, I gave up on the idea of adopting another child.  I couldn't know that a tiny, sick preemie was making her turbulent, brutal, way into the world.  And that she would be mine.  From the moment our agency worker Denise called me with her information, I wanted that baby.  I remember the drive down to Corpus Christi--the master warning me over and over that if she was too sick...if her needs were too great...we just weren't in a place to take her home and give her the care she needed--knowing in my head that he was right, but my heart screaming, "You are her mother."  And I was. Thankfully, one look and John was clean gone, too.
That brought us up to six.  Stick a fork in us, we're done!  Three boys, three girls. Four birth, two adopted, both even numbers. :0) But two and a half years later, and that old, familiar ache returned.  The one that keeps me turning around, looking for who is missing.  I don't like that feeling, and the master says eventually we MUST STOP.  I told the feeling--in no uncertain terms--to go away.  We were done already.  Six kids done. You don't get any doner than us. D-O-N-E. I couldn't know.  I couldn't know stopping by AIM to say hello one afternoon on a trip to Houston would change my life.  Couldn't know that there was a young woman in the exact same situation as Marina and Cara's birthmothers.  Couldn't know that she had called the office just that day and requested information about adoption. Couldn't know that our agency would offer to place this child with us and would tell the birthmother about us.  How could I possibly imagine that this woman would choose us--not in spite of the fact that we already had six children, but because we had six children--to raise her healthy baby boy?  It is unheard of; anyone in the adoption world will tell you that.  How could I know that two weeks later, I would bring that little boy home?  That he would light up my life with his smiles, and that I would feel for Levi the same overwhelming Mommy-love that I felt for K the first time I lifted my eyes over the nursery window seal so many years ago.  I couldn't know.  I couldn't have even guessed.
There you have it.  How we ended up with seven kids.  The master does not have a seminary degree.  My teaching certificate has a thick layer of dust on it. We are eternally broke, and our car has not NOT had at least one car seat strapped into it in thirteen years.  I've come to point where I don't make plans anymore. I wait and see what God is going to do.  It's so much more exciting this way!  Are we done?  I'm 33 and starting to feel my age.  To you it sounds crazy that I have seven kids at 33; to me, it sounds crazy that most couples wait until their thirties to start this insanity.  Yesterday, when Ian broke his sternum, Abby was drama diva over her first pimple, Randy wore through yet ANOTHER pair of sneakers, and Levi tried to choke himself for the 1,000 time that day, I swore that we were.  If that old feeling shows up, I will slam the door in his face.  And the master is right, we do have to stop some time.
But snuggle time is awesome.  Playtime is uproarious. Surely with seven, one of them is bound to be a doctor, right? I am never lonely. And you know, seven is an odd number ;0) The truth is I don't know. So, don't ask me.
I can't know about that.
  

On Again, Off Again

My Internet that is. Just when I think I've had to painstakingly use the master's IPhone to post for the last time, I lose it. But, will make this short and sweet, and hope for good things when I take the computer in to geek squad tomorrow. There is no way we can afford a new computer right now, and we purchased a my-fi system that--since we have already spent the money for--sure would be great to use.
As of Wednesday, we are parents of a teenager. Not sure how I feel about that. K has been an easy-to-parent, precoscious, oddly mature child. Throughout his childhood I was repeatedly warned, "just wait until he gets to be a teenager," in a tone that clearly indicated all hell would break loose. So, we shall see.
Wednesday night Ian broke his sternum. He was leading a chase game with Randy in the church fellowship hall. They had just overturned a chair with their horseplay, when I hollered at them from the kitchen to take it outside. As they made one last lap, Randy caught up to Ian, pushed him, and he fell, full-force onto the metal leg of the upturned chair. A few seconds into his cries of pain, I knew it was no kiss-and-make-it-better bobo. His breathing was labored and he couldn't stop crying as much as his macho, nine-year-old heart wanted to. Not wanting to alarm him, I stepped into the hall and called my best friend who happens to be an RN. Could you seriously hurt yourself falling onto a chair? The answer, my friends, is yes! A trip to the ER revealed he broke his sternum. Now, no one knows what to do with him. Since the sternum bone is usually only broken in the case of a severe car wreck or by a surgeon during heart surgery,when the patient's movement will be confined for an extended period, they are not sure what level of activity to allow for an otherwise healthy child. And how am I supposed to keep this kid inactive while the doctors decide? He climbed before he walked.

Christmas 2011

Someday soon, I will have real Internet, not just iPhone, and I will add pictures to this post, but for now, I must get this post up before I forget:
*That I had completely blocked an entire pre-Disney shopping trip, and had ample provisions for a traditional Christmas dinner with all the fixin's. I was so happy, but did wonder about my mental state that I should have erased doing this from my mind?
*How Cara giggled each time a gift was brought out for her from under the tree.
*How K was almost in tears when I refused to allow him to spend all of his money on presents for his brothers and sisters. When I saw those tears in my big boy's eyes, I relented and took him up to the thrift store where he bought everyone a gift and only spent $40. Everything was in new condition and he was careful to pick something they would like. His gifts were some of the favorites of the day.
*I want to remember how sad it was to walk into an almost empty sanctuary on Christmas morning. I'm really sorry that more people did not come to Your house to tell you, "Happy Birthday," Lord. Are you sorry, too?
*That even though we had(thanks to cuponing) a huge M*tie C*vendars pie, everyone asked for my humble, homemade pumpkin instead.
*The look of excitement on Abby and Marina's faces when they opened their flat and curling irons. Sigh. I'm afraid they are leaving dollies behind forever.
*Watching Levi happily explore the chaos of the morning--his first Christmas.

Disney Recap and Christmas Forecast

Well, we are on the LOOOONG trip home to Texas. Disney was great, but very happy to be headed toward my sweet Levi and all the Christmas traditions. The only problem is we are flat busted broke. Spent right up until the last dime we needed for fuel for the return trip. All of our presents are bought, but it just occurred to me that I didn't buy our groceries for Christmas dinner. Oh, well, give us this day our daily bread. We might be eating deer jerky and cheerio treats for Christmas, but we will all be together.
The master's hip started to cause him pain about a week before our trip. We hoped against hope that it would miraculously recover, but that didn't happen. On the third day of Disney it gave up. He spent the rest of the trip in a wheelchair. I am really worried. His company insurance does not kick in until after the first of the year, but I'm not sure if there is a waiting period after that. Please pray that there is not. I really thought with his amputation three years ago, we were putting fibris displacia behind us for good. At first, I was just angry that it had reared its ugly head again, but as the pain has continued and worsened, I find myself hoping it is only displacia and not something worse. "At what time I am afraid, I will trust in You."
The fireworks and light show at Magic Kingdom was something to see, and the weather throughout our visit was perfect, but otherwise, I would not recommend a Christmas break visit. I have only been twice before, but this was, BY FAR, the most crowded I have ever seen it. If we ever go again, I will simply un-enroll the kids from school and go in late September or the first week of October--or whatever random week a travel agent can tell me is the least busy time of year.
It is my turn to drive.

The Happiest Place on Earth

At the most wonderful time of the year. We are on our way to Florida at a high rate of speed. Some of you may remember that our reward for getting out of debt was a trip to Disney World. Sadly, this is not THAT trip, but, happily, my sister wanted to give this trip to our family for Christmas, so she financing around 85% of our holiday vacation. You can't beat that! This is my third visit America's fun capital--I went as a teen in the summer, in 2006 (7 months pregnant) in the spring, and can't wait to see what a Christmas visit is like. It is just eight of us speeding down the interstate. After much internal see-sawing, I agreed to leave Levi with his Ne-Ne (very dear sister from church) and Grandma. Levi, for all of his many virtues, is a terrible traveler. He will not remember it, and I would spend a good portion of my day sitting on a bench trying to figure out how I was going to heat the next bottle. Blech! But it will be the longest I have ever been away from any of the kids (with the exception of Rina)while still in their infancy, and I will miss him horribly. I know better than to think He will miss me. He will be too greatly spoiled.

The Talk

In a week, she will be 11 years old. I started less than a month after I turned 11. I knew it was well past time to have "The Talk," but it never made it to the top of my daily to-do list, and she never asked any questions. Frankly, I took her lack of inquisitiveness as clear indication that she had probably already gained a good bit of knowledge from the Americ*n Girl "Body Book" I found at the thrift store last year, and her girlfriends. I know from their mothers that several of her peers have started.
But when we were at my parents' house for Thanksgiving, my dad wanted to know what kind of deals I had nabbed with cuponing. When I told him I hadn't stockpiled much--just sugar and maxi-pads--Abby asked, "What's a maxi-pad?" My folks were aghast that I hadn't had "The Talk" and were pretty insistent that I move it up on my list of priorities. I don't know why they had their panties all in a wad. Their version of "The Talk" was Mom putting on a National Geographic film and leaving the room. Afterwards, Mom asked if I had any questions (I would have rather gnawed off my own tongue than to ask them). Dad wasn't even home.
But I digress. A few days ago we got some very troubling, saddening news concerning a relative. I knew I could not put it off another day, and it needed to include considerably more than menustration. I grabbed the "Body Book" and we headed down to the Sonic where I ordered pumpkin pie shakes, took a deep breath, and said,"Sweetheart, we need to talk."
Abby, already uncomfortably suspicious--not accustomed to being served Sonic shakes for no good reason--groaned, "Why do I suddenly feel as though I should be sitting on a porch swing?" (The porch swing is a euphamism in our family for a serious heart-to-heart conversation because that is where Daddy always called us to when it was time for a come to Jesus meeting.)
I wanted to have that conversation about as much as she wanted to hear it, but I'm so glad I did. Contrary to what I believed, she knew NOTHING about ANYTHING. If she had started her periods, she would have been terrified--thinking she was bleeding to death. She was equally clueless regarding the s€x Ed portion of our discussion. I was actually incredulous at her ignorance, at first thinking it to be feigned due to the embarrassment of talking with me about such things, but no, the longer I talked, I could tell it was genuine. I felt a sense of satisfaction that the master and I have been so totally successful in sheltering our kid's innocence, but I also felt frustration that because of the world we live in, I cannot be so
foolish as to allow that niativity to continue.
She listened, eyes as round as dinner plates, mouth sometimes dropping open:
"That's amazing!"
"Ugh, Mom, that's so gross. I don't want my shake anymore."
"Mom, you can't be serious."
And finally,
"Mom, how are you ever going to explain all this to Marina?"
Oh, Lord, give me strength.

Cuponing Update

Today was my second venture into cuponing. I am off to what I feel is a slow start, but trying not to become frustrated and give up. I've never been good at doing things half-way. My way of thinking is, "If you can't be the best at something, why do it at all?" I know that is a terrible attitude , but just keeping this blog honest. But I guess even Extreme Cuponers probably got their start as mediocre Cuponers, right? The actual buying part I like, because it has much the same feel of a great garage sale/thrift store find. The thrill of getting something new, or like new, at a fraction of the cost. I am beating the system!! The drawback with coupons, is that it requires so much searching and organizing to get to that point.
So anyhow, today I got 6 mega-logs of P*lsbury cookie dough (I'm all set for quick holiday treats), 8 boxes P*lsbury pie crust, 8 boxes of Nat*re's Valley granola bars, 3 large boxes of Ritz crackers, and 6 galons of milk for about $75. Not at all like the show--where they walk out of the store with five carts full and only paid 10 cents, but my kids are pretty stoked about the cookie dough, and I'm tickled pink that I have a weeks worth of milk in the fridge. At least I know we won't get caught in a pinch and end up spending over $4 for a half gallon at the neighborhood gas station.

Pre-Thanksgiving Simple Woman's

FOR TODAY...November 23, 2011

Outside my Mom's window...Six happy children playing in the yard (Abby and Marina are police women, complete with handmade badges and bicycle patrol cars.  Ian and Randy are Indians.  K is practicing his aim with the bow.  Cara is just plain happy).  One happy, happy, birthday celebrating Daddy.  The county lifted its eight month burn ban and half of the property is ablaze.   

I am thinking...about food preparations for tomorrow.

I am thankful for...'tis the season.  I am blessed and highly favored, but I think I am most thankful this year for our little surprise blessing: Levi James.

I am wearing... blue jeans, socks, and a turqois thermal.

I am remembering...this is the house I grew up in, so it is rife with memories.  Just a few minutes ago, peeking out the window watching the girls, I thought about my little sister and I tearing up that same driveway on our bikes.

I am going...to continue cooking a stupendous meal (or at least my half of it) as soon as I post.

I am currently reading...do recipes count?

I am hoping...that my turkey turns out de-lish.

On my mind...cooking, cooking, cooking

Noticing that...My brownies are YUMMY!

Pondering these words... Love sought is good, but giv'n unsought is better.--William Shakespeare

From the kitchen...Daddy's birthday brownies, turkey, ham, stuffing and mashed potatoes, leavings from Daddy's birthday breakfast (cinnamon biscuits, bacon, and fried eggs), prepared seasoning mix for roasted turkey, and various asundry.

Around the house...Mama (recuperating from abdominal surgery) is watching HG TV and Levi is asnooze upstairs and pretty much everyone else is enjoying the great--if somewhat smokey--outdoors.

From my picture journal: Going to have to pass on that.  Mom's computer does not have an SD port.

Sick Computer

Don't know if you will be hearing from me for the next few days. And of course you would know I have about a dozen posts rolling through my mind. My computer is sick. Should get more stuff done around the house.