Monday, April 30, 2012

Opinion Poll

Someone asked on Facebook what the kids thought about the new baby. Overall, the baby is awfully removed from the here and now. These are kids who are used to being told a day or two in advance of a new sibling's arrival. Seven months is an eternity away. A lady at church asked K what he thought, and he just shrugged and played it cool. "What is one more?" was his response. But at home, he has said that it WILL be a girl, and insists that everyone refer to the baby in the feminine form. He is quite anxious to hold the pattern, and is more than a little concerned over twins--which would push us over to an odd number. Abby is a mixed bag about this baby. She was ecstatic when we told her we were getting a new baby, wanting to know if she could please have it, since her baby (Cara) doesn't really need her anymore. But she was totally turned off when she realized I was actually carrying this sibling. Seems last fall's "Where Baby's Come From" conversation has her grossed out. Mom and Dad are STILL doing that??!! She will not use the term 'pregnant' and cringes when I do. But we passed a rack of cute baby dresses Saturday and she exclaimed, "Oh I hope our new baby is a girl." Me: I'm kinda hoping that myself. Abby: But, Mom? If it's not, let's not tell him he was a disappointment, ok? Me:Deal. That kid cracks me up. Ian and Marina haven't said much on the subject. We gave Levi to Marina, and she is still in the throws of his responsibility. I don't look for her to be hankering for another any time soon. Randy is well pleased. He is already coming up to pat my belly and give the baby kisses, but he is very confused, poor kid. Being the last baby to join the family by birth, he had no idea that babies came any other way than through adoption. Now the kid KNOWS adoption talk. He still has me chuckling over last week's question, "Do you know who the birthdaddy is?" Cara doesn't understand birth or adoption. For all she knows, the stork brings them, so I will be getting out and dusting off some of our "new baby" children's books. The problem is that all of them make some reference to the "fact" that they were once a baby in their mommy's womb. Which Cara wasn't, and I think through this pregnancy Cara will realize that. With Marina, it seemed like we talked adoption non-stop. With Cara we haven't talked it at all. When Levi arrived, she wasn't curious about where he came from, just happy to have someone smaller than her in the house to boss. But this time around, she will have more understanding, and will want to know, "Was I in your belly?" So this will be interesting.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Levi Turns One

One year ago today, we drove like mad to Houston to meet our new son. One year ago, I suited up in a NICU and walked around a hospital corner to see him for the first time--not tiny and weak as Cara had been--but rosy round and giving the nurses whatfor. I kept having to pinch myself, because the whole ordeal had a dreamlike quality about it. I remember thinking, "This doesn't happen in real life."
We had a pretty simple celebration. Just family over after church for lunch and cake. I made a Cookie Monster cake and a smash cake for Levi, which he thoroughly enjoyed. His expression seemed to say, "Now, THIS is what I have been waitin' for my whole life!" I love my little man.
We did not hear from his birthmother. I hoped today above all days that she would call.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

And Baby Makes 10

Facebook followers heard the news on Monday. I'm pregnant. Highly unlikely, insane, but true. Speaking of insane, my hormone surge that was a result of this pregnancy, felt very much as if I was headed straight for the closest mental health facility. My emotions were so out of control two weeks ago, that I bought a home pregnancy test, desperate to get my period started so the worst case of PMS "crazies" EVER would go away. In my mind, if I took the test, then my brain would go ahead and let me start. I was about to throw my "negative" test in the trash and begin my little body pep talk, "You see, there is absolutely no reason for you to feel this way...," when I saw an unmistakable + appear in the test window.
VERY long story short, I am pregnant. Sonogram (not this past Monday, but the Monday before, showed a "yolk sac" (which terminology makes me feel very much like a chicken) in the uterus, not in the tubes (there is a far greater risk of ectopic pregnancy in women with prior tubal ligations).
I am still rather stunned, and it all has a somewhat surreal quality about it--telling, typing, thinking about it. Announcing to the world hasn't changed that. Last year at this time, I felt a very strong urge for another child, and when God gave us Levi (also unexpectedly), I just knew the Lord gave me that desire to ready my heart for the gift. Now, He is giving my nine months to get ready for this gift.
I don't yet feel pregnant. Or maybe it has been so long that I've forgotten what it feels like? Randy will be six in two weeks. I still look down at every trip to the bathroom, and expect to see that I've started. I pretty much feel as I do the day before my period every month: a trifle dizzy, a little tender, and bloated. Well, maybe the last symptom IS over the top, because my abdomen is rock hard, sticking out, and I can't suck it in for anything! If I didn't have a perfectly good explanation, I would be rushing off to the doctor.
People have asked me if I'm happy. I'm not happy. I'm not sad. I'm mostly just relieved to know I'm not going nuts. Otherwise, I'm numb. It is not that I was opposed to more children. I had a feeling that at some point, I would want to even thing up. But I just never expected to do it in this way. I know by the time the baby arrives, no, by the time I feel her stir within me, I will love her and be ecstatic. It is just going to take some getting used to