Wednesday, April 18, 2012

And Baby Makes 10

Facebook followers heard the news on Monday. I'm pregnant. Highly unlikely, insane, but true. Speaking of insane, my hormone surge that was a result of this pregnancy, felt very much as if I was headed straight for the closest mental health facility. My emotions were so out of control two weeks ago, that I bought a home pregnancy test, desperate to get my period started so the worst case of PMS "crazies" EVER would go away. In my mind, if I took the test, then my brain would go ahead and let me start. I was about to throw my "negative" test in the trash and begin my little body pep talk, "You see, there is absolutely no reason for you to feel this way...," when I saw an unmistakable + appear in the test window.
VERY long story short, I am pregnant. Sonogram (not this past Monday, but the Monday before, showed a "yolk sac" (which terminology makes me feel very much like a chicken) in the uterus, not in the tubes (there is a far greater risk of ectopic pregnancy in women with prior tubal ligations).
I am still rather stunned, and it all has a somewhat surreal quality about it--telling, typing, thinking about it. Announcing to the world hasn't changed that. Last year at this time, I felt a very strong urge for another child, and when God gave us Levi (also unexpectedly), I just knew the Lord gave me that desire to ready my heart for the gift. Now, He is giving my nine months to get ready for this gift.
I don't yet feel pregnant. Or maybe it has been so long that I've forgotten what it feels like? Randy will be six in two weeks. I still look down at every trip to the bathroom, and expect to see that I've started. I pretty much feel as I do the day before my period every month: a trifle dizzy, a little tender, and bloated. Well, maybe the last symptom IS over the top, because my abdomen is rock hard, sticking out, and I can't suck it in for anything! If I didn't have a perfectly good explanation, I would be rushing off to the doctor.
People have asked me if I'm happy. I'm not happy. I'm not sad. I'm mostly just relieved to know I'm not going nuts. Otherwise, I'm numb. It is not that I was opposed to more children. I had a feeling that at some point, I would want to even thing up. But I just never expected to do it in this way. I know by the time the baby arrives, no, by the time I feel her stir within me, I will love her and be ecstatic. It is just going to take some getting used to

3 comments:

  1. Congratulations Jessy! I cannot imagine your shock yet relief. Hugs and Prayers for you today!

    ReplyDelete
  2. "Her"? Wishful thinking already?

    ReplyDelete
  3. And I missed this post. I am so excited for you!!!!!!! God bless you and this new addition. I look forward to more posts on the kids' reactions :-)

    ReplyDelete